Friday, January 25, 2008

You're the reason our kids are ugly...

Def: MULE (Lat. mulus), a term not unfrequently applied to the produce of any two creatures of different species, and synonymous with hybrid, but in its ordinary acceptation employed to designate the offspring or "cross" between the equine and asinine species. 1911 Encyclopedia Britannica, 11th edition.

Who can find beauty in the mule? I mean, what mother could love the long ears, broom-tail, strange stance, and bucket shaped head on this creature? Whose fault is it? Look at the classy features of its parents. The horse-mother is powerful, muscled and refined with sculptured hips; fine, shapely legs; and a tiny, well-proportioned head. And the stately Jack? His paternal contribution is a magnificent combination of ear, bone, and brain!

Consider the sound the mule makes. It is the most undignified and confusing belch of a sound in all of creation. That has to be a genetic mistake. The Tarzan-like brilliance of the Jack's tone-clear bray is NOT additive with the horse's polished neigh. This is one example where the combined strength of each parent is not mutually beneficent. The mule's voice is more confused than an armadillo crossing a Mississippi freeway.

I've been the dad around here now for 16 plus years. Our kids exhibit the kind of hybrid vigor one might expect from our marriage--me, a Jackass country kid from Mona making babies with her, a Thoroughbred Khmer Princess from exotic Phnom Penh. Our kids are smart, talented, hard-working children that have supple neck-rein and move quite nicely off of my leg cues. Hopefully they got my pluck. They certainly got her grace. The thing is...we can't figure out who to blame for their looks. Their mother and I just glare at each other and point a BLAMING finger, "You're the reason our kids are ugly!" Even the marriage counselor can't figure out who to blame. I just know its HER fault though...but shhhhhhh. The counselor says I'm supposed to keep those thoughts to myself, be they true or not.
Oh yes..... If you want to hear the voice of the Mona/Phnom Penh mule hybrid, come around chore time. It is the most haunting rendition of Gloom, Despair, and Agony you’ll ever hear. I love the Mule project growing in my backyard!


Pineapple Princess said...

I was so glad to add you to my links. Another one bites the dust!

Love your stuff and know I will be able to enjoy it after a more relaxed read.

Sorry I have been MIA everyone, I am a prisoner to a winkflash deadline. Can't pass up such a good deal. Here is my SOS, the signal fire is next. Rescue me. Send help.AAAHHHHHHH.

BonBon said...

Mom and Dad, which one of you is to blame for that ugly face?

lol! Your kids are good sports and deserve one chore free day just for having to be on the same post with their goofy looking father!

WoW said...

Your dad is to blame - I always told him that ugly people have good looking children or was it good looking people have ugly children. Hmmmm WoW

Huck Finn & Co. said...

I can still see how beautiful your kids are inspite of how hard they are TRYING to look ugly. That really tells you how good-looking they are. And yes, I blame Chentra! I realize you were TRYING real hard to look good in your photo, but I saw right through it, and award Chentra the award for the good-looking gene.