Friday, March 27, 2009

Boys Will Be Gone...


Boys and Men everywhere, a moment of silence please... ... ... This is a story about losing your boys (careful not to let her see your grimace or watery eyes.)

Few things in this world can make a grown man cry. Fewer still can knock him on his back into a primordial fetal position and make him wish for a swift, merciful death. The thought of injuring or losing ones family jewels can do it, and Ladies just don't get that. Oh, I know that they have collectively learned where to place a disabling kick. I know that they understand in a very superficial way how carefully we guard our boys. But what women will never comprehend is the way the entire universe trembles at the mere thought of testicular mutilation.

For all of you who suppose that I am jesting or reveling in jocularity, please stop it. No matter how robust our sense of humor, and no matter how great our capacity to belch out a courtesy laugh for social purposes, guys cannot take testicular humor. Doubt me? Watch what happens the next time some female blithely mentions the proverbial groin kick in a room full of guys and you will carefully notice how forcefully she penetrated their stoicism. One by one, they will eventually get back on their mental feet and the room will return to normal--but you will know that they felt a deep, universal shudder and may exhibit signs of post traumatic stress for days after.

So this morning, I have Dr. King on the phone. "I can be there at 4:00 this afternoon to get that John Mule castrated for you." says he. "Boy, I hate to do this to such a sweet little guy. I'll try to be mentally ready by then," thinks I. Chantra, washing the morning dishes, throws her chin over her shoulder and casually insists, "Ask him if he has time to do yours too."

I think I swallowed my cell phone.





Doc King came and went. Chantra watched Doc King perform the surgery on my prize mule with a keen and hopeful eye. I think I feel like my mule. Nausea, groin pain beyond mortal description, depression...and tomorrow, probably some PTS.


Thank you for your reverent and empathetic attention as you listened to my story. If I sleep on the couch tonight, its because I wanted to. Little Mule? I feel your pain...







10 comments:

Perfect Moments Photography said...

ROFL!!!!! I'll have Paul read this when I get a chance.....I think he'll have a good laugh too :)

DrGooch said...

Not either. Serious &*@# pain. See what I mean? Girls laugh...

cory and sharon said...

Did you REALLY have to show those pictures!!!??? GROSS! Yoooouuuch! I'm sure Cory will grimace, too.

Huck's mama said...

Yes, I did LAUGH out loud when I read Chantra's comment. Belly Laugh!!!!! I didn't stop laughing till I got to the gross pictures, then just gasped, swallowed, and made a yucky noise from the bottom of my throat. But now that the pictures are gone from my brain, I go back to Chantra's comment, and again- I laugh...it is very funny you know!!

Huck's mama said...

da boys, um er, I mean da box...

DrGooch said...

WHY? is everyone laughing? Can't you see the pain in my eyes?

Amanda said...

Awww it looks like he slept through the whole ordeal. Back when I was growing up long ago in rednecksvile Louisiana, the shoer (we never called them farriers back in those days) also castrated colts. He just knocked them down, hog-tied them, got out the pocket knife and the purple medicine you used on all livestock back then. No drugs!! I remember wittnessing that as a very young child and was so puzzeled by what I saw because no one talked about things like that to girls no matter how Tomboy they were. Talk about perplexed for a long time afterwards.

Dannie said...

Wow....very interesting. I really enjoy your blog. As a mother, mule owner and general animal enthusiast, I find your articles very entertaining and informative. Great pics of your riding adventures and the training you do with (I assume) your kids. They look pretty brave!

Bonnie said...

This has to be one of my ALL TIME faves of your posts. Way too funny. I too laugh at Chantra's comment.

Cowboy mom said...

You're right. I did enjoy this post. If you've read the poem at the bottom of my blog page you'll know that I was not a "country girl" to begin with. I sure am glad I'm a country mom! I have to admit I did chuckle a bit. I am female, but having experienced very similar situations I can't help but grimace and feel a bit of empathy for the poor "innocent" animals.......I guess it wouldn't cause even a chuckle if men WERE innocent.
Thanks for stopping by my blog I've sure enjoyed yours.