Thursday, January 24, 2008

Riding RUSTY through the ASSpuns

Having a Jack around has given license to everyone I know, kids, neighbors, me, even proper Rotarians, to make "ass" Jokes. Like "Sittin on my ass all day," "Wore my ass right out," "I'm gonna kick your ass," "I'm gonna ride your ass all the way home" "Get off your ass and get back to work." You get the picture. My good wife just rolls her eyes way back in exasperation when my kids timidly offer these phrases--not sure if its OK to use such language. I ASSure them that proper latin and biblical precedence justify the use of Mr Donkey's real name in polite company.

There are a few more words in this same category: Gay is happy, Fag is a bundle of wood, Damn means to stop progression, and hell is a place. My dad even taught me that the "S" word was the proper Latin for the rear-end product of the bovine guacamole factory-especially if the wet end of her impatient tail laid some across my mouth while I milked.

So imagine my neighbors concern who aren't schooled in Latin and biblical phraseology, over the prominent placement of my ranch sign this year. In the summer, it casts a shadow on the greenhouse that makes it 4 or 5 times larger and visible from a far greater distance. Of course, it ain't the current neighbors I'm trying to help out--its too late for them, and they say they like Rusty anyway. Its the three or four hundred new neighbors about to descend like a swarm of locusts on the 30 acres next door to me to whom I am being most considerate. Rusty's voice has a 1 mile radius. His bray is the tone-clear, soul-piercing, auditory miracle of nature that ends with a jungle-like guttural growl fit for the king of beasts. Its a great selling point, actually. I think it adds to the curb-appeal of this new development.

I have to give some Kudos to a few people who really brought Rusty up properly. First, Dennis and Karen Miller at SugarCreek Ranch in Missouri got the whole package right. Rusty is the 2004 son of SugarCreek Okie, grandson of Oklahoma Diamond. If you follow the link to Sugarcreek Ranch, you will observe the fine specimen that fathered Rusty. Dennis must have put a lot of time into Rusty when he was little, because Rusty has been a gentleman to handle. The baby photos of Rusty are courtesy of the Millers. I also need to thank Travis Blackburn of Willow Creek Mule Company in Axtel Utah who took it from there. I bought Rusty from Travis, along with some great mares in March of 2007. Travis continues to share a wealth of knowledge about the care of, and Studly duties of my Jack.

After bringing Rusty home, I started riding him. This past year, he carried me over a lot of beautiful country--from desert lows to the beautiful ASSpun groves in the high country. He doesn't have power steering, but he will neck reign some. He absolutely loves to go. He doesn't EVEN know what "Lazy Ass" means. With the exception of steep hills, I never have to ask him to pick up the pace. And greatest of all, when he gets in a really tight spot, instead of scrambling or going berserk like a horse, he just sits down!

Good Mules start with Good Ass. Rusty has sired one fantastic little mule that I will feature later. He has two more babies due this spring. Its early yet, but I've booked three mares and one Jennet for his 2008 schedule. When the mares start getting randy this spring, we'll pick up a few more.

For a while there, "Wow, you have a GREAT ass" was getting to my head. Then I realized it was all about Rusty. You know...I DO have a GREAT ass. Thanks Dennis, Karen and Travis.


BonBon said...

Did anyone warn Tami that this is rated R and that she might want to stear clear of of the clASSy post?

Anonymous said...

This is simply ASSinine!!!!

Paul said...

My office staff wants to know if this means I'm a "Jack Mormon" now. TeeHee!

Alaskan Dad said...

I ASSure you that I want to go riding when I get home. Great information. Dad Gooch

BonBon said...

Dad!!! Did you just swear on your mission?!?!?!?!

Tamster said...

Nobody warned me, but it didn't take much to figure it out! Why didn't you warn me yourself, Bon? :-)

mamabearharder said...

I want the one in the second pic really bad! It is so cute!!!

Great to have you on board big brother! Thanks for sharing so much about something I never knew about you. I must say, I have always wished I knew you better and I know this will be a great way to do so!

Love ya brother!

Pineapple Princess said...

You know how some blogs have a hit counter? I think you need a counter to ASSes how many times you use such an ASSinie word.