Sunday, January 27, 2008

Torture, American Style (Waterboarding)*,**,***

*The opinions of this author are not necessarily those of, its parent company, any of its subsidiaries, holdings, cousins, editorial boards, or baby mules. The opinions expressed herein are not proscribed by the children in this house either.

**No animals, including cats, were harmed in the production of this article

***No children were less than edified in the production of this article

Main Entry: cor·po·ral punishmentPronunciation: 'kor-p&-r&l-Function: noun: punishment inflicted on a person's body —see also CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT NOTE: The prohibition on cruel and unusual punishment in the Eighth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution imposes limits on the use of corporal punishment on convicted offenders and prisoners. The U.S. Supreme Court has found the Eighth Amendment to be inapplicable to the use of corporal punishment on schoolchildren.
Merriam-Webster's Dictionary of Law, © 1996 Merriam-Webster, Inc.

Oh, how we love chore time! Really. Especially after it rains! St George is so parched we soak it up like the luckless desert wanderer whose mirage becomes the reality of a cool clear spring. Rain brings life to the desert, the smell of creosote brush, and muck to our stalls.

Frankly, I love the sound of muck squishing and schlurping underfoot--even better if its my kids feet. Houserule number 3 states: "the stalls get cleaned twice daily come rain or shine. See subsection IV for exceptions to the rule." This rule follows number one and number two which deal with feeding and watering to which there are no exceptions.

Now I know there are some out there who will agree with my kids that mucking stalls rises to the level of Cruel and Unusual punishment. According to interpretations of the 8th amendment to the Constitution, since my kids aren't convicts, and they do attend school, I'm in the clear on this one.

Photo below courtesy of Mama (ButtKick: Dramatization of possible corporal use of leg cues to disengage hind quarters and call to action. Not saying I did it, just posed for it to demonstrate the great American tradition of character alignment in childhood development)


Pineapple Princess said...

I wonder what their family reunions will be like in 15 years when they start talking 'bout the good ol days!

I am so glad we didn't have to do that 'cause you'd have been on a horse in the mountains with Johnny Wilson, and I (emphasis on the I) would have been the one doing your chores. Kind of like how I mowed your lawn and raked it and pulled weeds around it and. . .

I bet you hope your kids won't read this.

Huck Finn & Co. said...

Ahaahhaaahaa!! On the horses with Johny Wilson, oh yeah, I remember that!!
You are having way too much fun with this, aren't you Paul?!

Pineapple Princess said...

I am still thinking about this post. I love Preston's expression. It is so sweet. They still love to help at that age. But you know that is going to change right?

And I am also thinking about your poor mud room.

sharbear said...

They may and may not be laughing so hard about this 15 or 20 years or so from now, but you will. Their lives will forever be ruined by the memory of the mud and gook squishing underneath their feet. I know you are hoping to pass on the legacy, but they may never want anything to do with horses again, just like I never want anything to do with chicken coops again.

Tamster said...

That was very funny! And "clean" too! ;-)
All I can say is... Better them than me! :-)

Paul said...

Mud Room? How about Mud House... All my posts are clean as a whistle.

My girls think the boys get away with murder too. The boys just know how to get it done and avoid my leg cues--

And I even help. A lot. Especially when I make them hot chocolate during the mid-night bucket brigades.

Paul said...

...and chickencoops? Yes, I don't blame you for the lifelong trauma from living with the Chickens when you were naughty. Is the statute of limitations up on that one? I hope so for Mom and Dad's sake...hehehehe.

BonBon said...

This post didn't look too clean to me. Way too much mud! Kind of like: "you want to hear a dirty joke? a boy fell in the mud," kind of post.

I don't like chicken coops either. It was way to painful to see/hear my most favorite sister out there.

I was NEVER naughty enough to be put out there. I learned from her mistake even though she could never seem to. Not trying to make you feel guilty Mom and Dad. Promise.

sharbear said...

I have a child that I won't name that I feel like putting in the chicken coop just about 10 times a day but I don't have one.
Who else had to endure the chicken coop? I know it wasn't just me. Of course, Bon was NEVER naughty enough to be put out there.
You know Paul, wasn't there this thing when we were growing up that the girls did the inside house work and the boys did the outside chores???

Paul said...

Hey, I might look like a dusty old cowpoke, but I'm way too politically correct for that. They all get inside chores and they all get outside chores.

I'm still trying to keep it a secret that I know how the Vacuum works though, so ssshhhhhhh!

Paul said...

...don't forget Shauna's little nugget. I had it figured out, see. Sisters do all the house work, sisters do all the outside chores, I GO FISHING.

I got my inspiration from the Classics. Tom Sawyer was no dummy. Shauna PAID me for the opportunity to get out of the kitchen and into nature.

"Got five bucks? I'll let you help me paint the fence."

Paul said...

Reminds me of this French Restaraunt we used to have, a Fondue place where you cooked your own dinner...

"Hey! for 25 bucks we'll let you help us cook your dinner." No chef to pay, one food cutter-upper on the payroll, and you do all the work? NOW thats a Tom Sawyer deal if I ever saw one!

BonBon said...

How come us parents feel the need to help our kids be well rounded? Poor Brandon will know how to wash dishes, vacuum, clean bathrooms, but I'm not sure he'll ever make a good outside man. I need to send him to live at your house to finish the polishing process. Yes Sir, he'll make some beauty a fine husband someday.

Paul said...

Seriously. I'm afraid for my girls. Who they gonna marry? Its gonna be pretty hard for them to find a man tougher than them. The new breed of manliness is a little too metro-sexual for my sweet little cupcakes. I hope there are a few families out there raising some "gitter done" boys that can live and love right. I have anything to say about who they fall in love with. Can we go back to Cambodian style where I get to pick?